Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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