based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
