I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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