if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
