Where did you get a picture of my penis
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
