I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
