what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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