I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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