no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
