tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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