so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
