Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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