I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
