Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
