would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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