you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
