went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
