I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize