You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
