life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
