Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
