i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
