It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize