what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
