you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
