I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
