The brown eye won't let me do that either.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
