i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
