i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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