woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
