you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
