you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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