I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
