I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize