ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
