Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
