Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
