The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
