I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
