He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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