K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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