Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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