i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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