I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
