You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
