it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sext me about skeletons
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
