apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
