Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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