Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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