is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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