Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
be right there i have to get my cape
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize