Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So many bounce houses so little time
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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