so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
