Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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