I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
