The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
