at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
