I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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