Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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