Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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