people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
