she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
