I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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