it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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