she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
