so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
thus making me awesome and them whores
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
