I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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