It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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