my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
