he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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